Rules for living with the avengers
by IamTheBlaze
Summary: Unsurprisingly Jessica 'Jex' Stark is in trouble again. Only this time she got caught. So as punishment Fury's sitting her down and forcing her to write out a set of rules about the things she's NOT allowed to do, as if that'll work. Character from Bows Brothers and Broken Hearts.
1. Rules 1 - 50

I stared at the blank paper in front of me. The horrible, disgusting piece of paper starred mockingly at me. I wish I had Tony's suit, or Thor's hammer. The offending paper would be in ashes, smoking lightly in an empty room. Instead I am forced to sit here and glare banefully at it.

"Jess, your lines are not about to write themselves. I have to go but I expect them done before I get back," Cap said resolutely before walking out. I picked up my pen and began scratching out some words in my illegible writing muttering a string of curses after Fury as I went.

**Rule 1: **Black Adder WW1 episodes are banned.

(Tony and I showed them to Steve)

(He thought that was the way the war actually ended)

(Fury made me give him my history textbook)

(And then spend the next week answering his questions.)

**Rule 2: **Typos in daily reports are unacceptable

(You will be forced to re-do them)

(And being SHIELD operatives, they have incredible spell checks)

(Curse you Fury!)

**Rule 3: **Dead legging is forbidden

(Not only does it get annoying but once the Thor learned of this…)

(Only bad things happen)

(Especially when you dead leg Natasha)

(Not even Hawkeye could protect me)

**Rule 4: **Do not use experimental plant grow formulas

(Let's just say it does a lot more than help the plants grow)

**Rule 5: **When you're bored don't attempt the following:

Use your secret mind powers (You'll get weird looks) (But I swear that the pencil did move!)

Stare at people behind their backs (It freaks everyone out) (Bonus points if you don't blink)

Rate passers-by (This is where you mark people ten out of ten for clothing, hair, shoes…etc.)

Make low buzzing noises (Perfect for those awkward silences!) (Or just annoying people in general)

Developing a weird twitch (I did this while watching TV) (I was _this close _to getting another mentality test)

**Rule 6: **"To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an answer to any question

(Your sanity _will _be questioned)

(Not to mention you'll be doing mentality tests for a week)

(Trust me, those are hell)

**Rule 7: **War stories are fun, but be careful how many times you ask

(It'll start to get boring after the tenth time you've heard the same story)

(If you get stuck with Steve, just slowly move away while he's talking)

(This is the perfect opportunity to practice your stealth abilities)

**Rule 8: **Do not call me little girl

("You WILL regret this)

(And after I finish my punishment for killing you. I will have my revenge)

**Rule 9: **Using a jump rope as a whip is prohibited

(There can be so many problems with this)

**Rule 10: **I am no longer allowed to use old cups as bowling pins

(I found a whole bunch of old coffee mugs and lined them up)

(They were old and chipped anyway)

(It was fun until we realized how many pieces we had to clean up)

(Still haven't found them all)

**Rule 11: **Bath bombs are not actual bombs

(You know what, I'm not gonna bother with a caption)

**Rule 12: **Try to keep a poker face when in trouble

(This is essential to avoid punishment)

(Of course if you screw up then you're on your own)

(Bruce)

(he cracked when Tony threatened to take away his lab access.)

**Rule 13: **If a fight should occur over the 'last one', please settle the conflict peacefully

(Ally and I grabbed the cookie at the same time)

(This resulted in an intense stare down of epic proportions)

(Plus a lot of yelling too)

**Rule 14: **Never time how fast it takes to flee from danger

(I enjoy doing this on a regular basis)

(So far Loki is in the lead with 1:01)

(However I beat his time by forty seconds)

**Rule 15: **Tin cans make great security systems

(When dealing with the resident dimwits a.k.a. Thor and Tony then yes)

(They really need to work on their ninja skills)

(Man, their reactions were priceless when they tripped!)

**Rule 16: **Do not wake me before ten.

(Don't do it!)

(It's your own funeral.)

(Seriously not even Tony dares wake me.)

**Rule 17: **No attempts at elbow licking

(A few of us got really bored)

(We need to get out more often)

(Anyway, Tony, Bruce, Hawkeye and I all tried this)

(The results…Tony and Bruce both failed)

(Hawkeye _almost _did it)

(I... won)

(The best part was when the Steve and Natasha took notice)

(I think it was the faces that freaked them out first)

**Rule 18: **Using fancy words does not make you smart

(Thor will often point this out)

(As does Steve)

(Gee, can't a girl act smart for a few minutes?)

**Rule 19 **Don't take a bunch of feathers and throw them all over the place yelling "I'M MOLTING!"

(This will lead to a questioning of your sanity)

(Plus a trip to the Med Bay)

(I'm having nightmares of the Steve lecturing me now…)

**Rule 20: **Never hack any of the SHIELD computers so error messages pop up repeatedly

(Now that was fun)

(Several of the agents actually believed something was wrong with them)

(I was blamed for this of course…)

(Didn't do it but kudos to whoever did)

(Tony)

**Rule 21: **No one is allowed to use Thor's hammer, Tony's Suit or Hawkeye bow to "squish" things

(Sadly, we cannot get rid of Natasha)

(As much as we'd like too)

(Although Tony and Ally were quite enthusiastic about the suggestion)

**Rule 22: **Shouting "Let's do the village! Let's do the whole effing village!" while out on a mission is bad

(We need to stop reading "Skippy's List")

(We get way too many ideas)

(I said this while sneaking around some evil dude's hideout)

(I received a lot of "SHHHHH!" responses)

**Rule 23: **Never tell Thor about anything I learnt in Philosophy class

(We haven't heard the end of it)

(He's started questioning alternate realities)

(On the plus side it makes an interesting conversation)

**Rule 24: **Never under any circumstances deem it necessary to challenge any shield agents to a battle of epic ninjaness

(They will outdo you greatly)

(And also kick your ass you should you mess up)

(I know my fair share of moves!)

(But I decided to stop after a while since a foot was looming over my head)

**Rule 25: **Quoting Scott Pilgrim VS the World is not allowed

(This movie is epic epicness!)

"You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously!" (Thor was so screwed…) (I made him suffer)

"That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!" (Ally) (She said this to 'the Loki after he stopped gloating how evil he was)

"We are Sex-Bob Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff…" (I nearly died of laughter when Hawkeye said this out loud)

"The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass" (That was real…sweet…'Tony)

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all that information? Like, two hours! *Two hours!* (Boy was somebody mad that day)

"Do that again, and I will end you!" (A wise piece of advice boys) (Don't mess with girls)

**Rule 26: **Don't yell "HEADSHOT!" in the middle of battle

(This gets you a few stares)

(And another mentality test)

**Rule 27: **I am not allowed to touch paint

(It's fun and colourful)

(Well it was until I thought it'd be cool to re-enact Murdock's paint dance from A-Team)

(Oh good lord… Thor's face)

**Rule 28: **Do not use SHIELD's motto as your own

(If I tell you, then I have to kill you)

(Or something like that)

(I use this to scare the newbies)

**Rule 29: **Always ask before trusting Loki

(I don't trust their intelligence)

(he gave me a gun that they said "would most absolutely definitely" fire)

(I went flying backwards)

(But at least they were right about something)

(Of course I was knocked unconscious so I have no idea what)

**Rule 30: **Using Kool-Aid as hair dye is not allowed

(Steve already thinks its bad for our health)

(No use using it for other purposes)

(Although purple is _so _not my colour)

**Rule 31: **Remember the warning signs of Bruce's rage

(Tony, Thor)

(If it's he says run… RUN)

(Chances are you'll be in pieces if you don't)

**Rule 32: **Never take any tools from the Workshop for personal destruction

(I'm starting to wonder if anyone will listen to this rule)

(The result of this will mean that living in Stark Towers will be a personal hell)

**Rule 33: **Don't suffocate the humans!

(We need to breath you know!)

(Yes, yes, even me)

(So if our faces are turning red, let go)

**Rule 34: **Calling any of the smaller 'agents "shorties" is insulting

(Quite a few of them are tall for their ages)

(Some of them have tempers)

(And guns)

**Rule 35: **Do not come up with reasons behind the shield code names

(This was a fun day)

(We came up with many odd reasons)

(Some of them were too ridiculous to write up)

**Rule 36: **Chain letters are banned

(Steve was convinced if he didn't send the letter to ten people he'd be visited by some ghost)

**Rule 37: **Making random bird noises will annoy people greatly

(Especially Thor)

**Rule 38: **Red Rover is banned

(Ally and I enjoy running at the newbies)

(They avoid us now)

**Rule 39: **You cannot prove you're Batman

(Tony wasn't convinced)

("I'm Batman! See? Easy.")

(Bro, that's lame for starters. Your _Iron Man_)

**Rule 40: **Whenever someone touches you don't run around in circles and yell "I'VE GOT COOTIES!"

(More mentality tests)

(And shots)

(I hate shots!)

**Rule 41: **'Spoiler Alert' is a useful phrase

(This is a general life lesson)

(I can't even begin to count all the times I've been given evil looks for ruining movies)

**Rule 42: **Do not let Bruce use a microwave to make plasma

(Or heat up anything else that's not human food)

(You don't want to know what kind of disaster will result)

(I never wanna eat marshmallows again)

**Rule 43:** Voyeurism is not a hobby!

(So quit spying on us Fury!)

(None of us is harbouring any fugitives in our rooms)

**Rule 44: **Random name generators are forbidden

(We've all got new nicknames now)

(Very embarrassing)

(Mine wasn't exactly great either)

**Rule 45: **Don't reprogram Jarvis

(I don't know how, but its voice sounds like that computer from Eagle Eye)

"Refrain from abandoning that useless item within my field of vision" (I was holding a pencil…)

"Exit in an orderly fashion or be subject to termination" (Everyone surprisingly listened)

"Affirmative, carbon based life forms must be removed from the premises" (One of these days I'm taking a sledgehammer to that thing)

"As you can see, you are without hope. Nobody is here to save you. You are alone. You have five seconds to retreat." (It gets into your head!)

**Rule 46: **Roommate Agreements (or any agreements) are banned

(Sheldon Cooper is insane OK!)

(It can also get out of hand)

(Steve made up a bunch of ridiculous rules)

('Section 5: Danger, sub section C: Snow, paragraph H: Jokes')

("Humans are to remove any traces of aqueous parasites before entering the base")

(Whoever called snow 'dandruff from the sky' or 'watery parasites' is so doomed)

**Rule 47: **Throwing rotten fruit for your own amusement is not allowed

(Thor, Tony)

(I don't want to know where you got them)

(Do you know how long it took to get all the tomato slime out of my shirt?)

(Weeks!)

**Rule 48: **Never go along with whatever Tony and Bruce come up with

(It will end it disaster)

(You will get blamed for it)

(Even if you were never there)

**Rule 49: **If you stumble upon something illegal, run

(Chances are, Fury will probably kill you)

(If you run fast enough you may be able to save yourself a headache)

(And severe punishments)

(Which may include being used as target practice, hour long lectures, or homework

(That last one should be avoided at all costs)

**Rule 50: **Do not let any God's near lava lamps

(It tends to mesmerize them)

(Thor's eyes went blurry from staring so long)

(Smack Tony upside the head if he encourages Loki to break it open)

**Review with the rule you want the story too and I'll post it with the next set of rules, **

**Blaze!**


	2. Rules 51 -100

**Bam another Fifty! Enjoy!**

**Rule 51: **Steve is not allowed outside Stark towers alone

(This is a general rule for people away from their own planets or times)

(It took me hours to find him)

(You don't wanna know where he was)

**Rule 52: **Faking an illness is a bad idea

(You will find yourself sentenced to bed rest for several days)

(I was dragged to the doctors by Thor)

(I think he enjoys my suffering)

(Especially when I saw that creepy look on his face)

**Rule 53: **Only use your hands or utensils to eat

(What gave Loki the idea to use his feet I have no clue)

(It grossed out the majority of the team)

(As well as a me who was eating _properly _nearby for the first time in ages)

(I was tempted to throw my fork at him)

**Rule 54: **No Call Of Duty offs!

(Scream at Steve if he suggest this)

(There is no way to win against a super soldier )

(It will cause an tantrum of epic proportions!)

**Rule 55: **Never call Thor anything but his real name

(I called him Tori, Thorleene, Thora, Thora the explora, Ignorant, Blondie, and Buttercup on several occasions)

(I try to feign innocence if he catches me)

(However it doesn't work very often)

(So I just screamed at him and hid behind someone important)

(He got the world's longest lecture from Steve)

(Mwahahahaha!)

(He glared at me for awhile afterwards)

(I just threaten to cut his hair whenever he does that)

**Rule 56: **Plungers are not climbing gear

(Loki, I think you're gonna be the death of the Avengers someday)

(But then again it was Thor who listened)

(All he told him was a grandma could climb better than he could)

(Thor, being Thor was determined to defend his dignity)

(I'm amazed how high he got before anyone noticed)

**Rule 57: **Don't mention body piercings to Steve

(He tends to twitch violently)

**Rule 58: **When out in public, try not to be conspicuous

(Yeah, the I am Iron Man T-shirt is really subtle Tony.)

(You just had to add the hole for the arc reactor didn't you?)

**Rule 59: **Wiggling your fingers will not curse anyone

(As much as I try)

(Sadly Natasha is not cursed)

(Although ten seconds after I tried she tripped over something)

**Rule 60: **"Marco." "Polo"

(It annoys all the older 'Shield members)

(Tony, Thor and Bruce understand perfectly)

(Thank goodness somebody does)

**Rule 61: **Every day is not Halloween

(Although that'd be kinda cool)

(Didn't stop Tony from singing the 'Silver Shamrock' song over and over)

(Oh make it stop!)

**Rule 62: **I cannot use my badass status to scare other students

(Drat)

(I was just gonna shoot him…)

(Would you believe that Fury said no?)

(Me neither)

**Rule 63: **If you value your junk food, hide it from Steve ASAP!

(Tony is surprisingly good at it)

(Not entirely sure how he does)

(Every time we ask he just smiles and says "Trade secrets!")

(Grrrr….)

**Rule 64: **If you plan on breaking curfew, avoid any avenger with a license, those that can fly and others at all costs

(Thor caught me on the side of the road)

(I tried to out run him)

(Bad mistake on my part)

(He went all 'homicidal joyride' on me)

(As soon as we got landed I jumped onto my knees and exclaimed "Ground! Sweet marvellous land!")

(He laughed at my misery)

**Rule 65: **Bruce is no longer allowed near the highly explosive chemicals

(He made the lab explode again)

(We didn't help him this time)

**Rule 66: **Glow in the Dark paint is banned

(It's fun to watch the SHIELD agents walk into a dark room and see glowing handprints everywhere)

(Especially when they saw some of them move)

(That was us)

**Rule 67: **Freaky Friday cannot be watched around Steve

(He didn't understand the concept)

(And now he's…more paranoid than usual)

(All fortune cookies have disappeared)

(Fortune Cookie Lovers UNITE!)

**Rule 68: **Do not steal Natasha's glasses and wear them

(he was so pissed)

(It fun to watch her run around looking for them)

(We passed them around, taking turns trying to find our way through the tower)

(Of course it didn't stop her from using her cell to call in the CIA)

(I left the country for a while)

(Still haven't given them back)

**Rule 69: **Never replace the background with a screenshot on anyone's laptops

(Steve couldn't understand why he couldn't close the webpage)

(It was an advertisement for online poker)

(His cursing could be heard half way across the base)

(Nobody saved him for hours)

**Rule 70: **Pretending to have rabies will only lead to trouble

(Tony, I think you've officially lost it)

(He walked into the rec room with whip cream on his face)

(Steve was not pleased)

(Tony hasn't been seen for several days)

(I think I hear screaming)

**Rule 71: **The "Nyan Cat" song is banned

(Yeah…my sanity is decreasing rapidly)

(That doesn't give you permission to torture innocent people with it)

(Except Fury)

(Then go right ahead)

**Rule 72: **Don't heckle Fury behind his back

(That man hears _everything_)

(And see's everything)

(And…feels everything)

(They literally had to create a new punishment hour log book just for me.)

(It's purple.)

**Rule 73: **The following are not emergencies!

Losing your credit card (Hey, it's a shopping crisis!)

Forgetting to buy candy (Thor) (There are no exceptions here)

Misplacing socks (Me) (I spent hours searching for my stripy socks…)

Remembering someone else has your IPad (Thor) (He was about to hunt down whoever took it) (That was until he found out Loki was playing with it)

**Rule 74: **Never ask what FBI stands for

"Female Body Inspector" (Me)

"F'ing Badass Idiots" (Sam)

"Forget Bail Ignoramus" (don't ask)

**Rule 75: **Do not, under any circumstances, randomly yell out "JARVIS'S A TOOL!"

(Well, in a sense he is…)

(He didn't take it too well, neither did Tony…)

(I was sent to my room)

(Not unscathed though)

**Rule 76: **I am a teenager!

(Let's make this clear)

(Yes, I'm part of the avengers)

(Yes, I'm a underage government agent)

(OK fine so my part in the Treadstone operation is a 'myth')

(But could I have just one day where I don't have to pretend I have maturity?)

**Rule 77: **Don't show Steve any unreliable WW1 footage

(Yeah, just don't)

**Rule 78: **No installing alarms in my room

(Need I remind anyone what happened last time?)

('There are still pieces of alarm clock on my floor)

**Rule 79:** No mysterious ticking noise

(I may have placed hidden clocks all over the tower )

(Steve almost called the bomb squad)

(Thor still cringes when he hears a tick-tick noise)

(so worth it)

**Rule 80: **Leaf piles are for outdoors only

(This is the result of five hours of raking)

(I had a bunch of neat piles all lined up when Tony and Bruce came around the corner)

(They immediately had a leaf war)

(How did this get inside you ask?)

(When Thor and Loki showed up)

(That was some leaf pile they made)

(Ooh it was raining leaves that day)

**Rule 82: **No pet rocks

(I named mine George!)

(Of course the Avengers go into it too)

(Except I don't think gold is really considered pet rock status Tony)

**Rule 83: **Eraser Ruler Hockey is banned

(Rainy days do things to people)

(We used rulers as sticks and erasers as pucks)

(It was me, Tony, Ally, Hawkeye and Bruce VS Thor, Loki, Cap and Natasha and Coulson who was visiting for the weekend?)

(At first it was fun)

(But then the guys got a little too carried away)

(An eraser got lodged where an eraser should not got.)

**Rule 84: **Text language is not a form of speaking

(Where R U? U has 2 C THIS...)

(LMAO, LOL, ROFL)

(You get the picture)

(I got asked by Steve what "A/S/L" meant)

(I turned away slowly and ate my breakfast quietly)

**Rule 85: **Don't say "Christ, I must be adopted" when embarrassed in front of siblings.

(Loki and I say this a lot)

(Well, mostly Loki)

(Have you seen who he has to live with?)

(And in his case it's true…)

**Rule 86: **Three words: Scurry. Sniff. Flinch!

(Not the ideal way to deal with enemies)

(I'm not sure if Tony made it worse when he came back from patrol covered it dents)

("I flinched, but I should have scurried")

(I face palmed)

**Rule 87: **Never tell any of the gods that the sky is falling when it rains

(I told this to Thor and he freaked)

(Steve, chased me around the tower lecturing me when he found out)

(I hid behind Hawkeye again)

(Oooh that was a helluva bruise..)

**Rule 88: **NEVER reprogram one of Natasha's guns into confetti cannons

(This didn't end well)

(Natasha blamed me for this)

(I was made a living target for three hours)

(Never again…)

**Rule 89: **Glitter is banned from the base

(SPARKLE! SPARKLE!)

(The rainbow I face painted on Thor and Loki when they were asleep were bright enough)

(Don't need to turn them into pixies)

**Rule 90: **Don't call 'Tony, Steve and Fury the warrior crew. (This is amazingly true though)

(The creator, The user and The buyer,)

(Only one who found this amusing was Tony)

(The others…spoilsports)

**Rule 91: **If you hear noises from Bruce's lab, ignore them

(Generally means something is…)

(Going to explode)

(Possibly explode)

(Or have nasty results should you stay)

**Rule 92: **Three strikes you're out is not a form of punishment

(Steve, you have got to stop getting ideas from Sheldon Cooper)

(All I did was paint his room orange)

(The nerve of that guy)

**Rule 93: **No more homicidal joyrides

(Do I need to list all the Avengers with a license?)

('Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Ally, Hawkeye)

(They must really want me to hurl in their cars)

**Rule 94: **Never cover Thor and Loki in red dot stickers

("EW…the god's have chicken pox!")

(Tony was highly amused by this and dragged their sorry buts to the med room)

(I don't wanna know)

**Rule 95:** "This bag is green"

("It's clearly black")

("No, it's green…")

("Are you blind? It's black!")

("Green…GREEN!")

**Rule 96: **Camouflage is for the soldiers, not civilians

(The 'Shield agents pretend they can't see us)

(Loki stood in the middle of the rec room and nearly got trampled several times)

(Of course this didn't discourage him)

(So he went around making stupid ghost noises)

(He was ignored so long he actually thought he'd become invisible)

**Rule 97: **Paintballs are not a substitute for ammo

(I've been informed that none of the evil dudes are pleased with their new paint jobs)

(But it was freakin' hilarious to see them cowering in the corner dripping with silver paint)

(I saw them and yelled "OMIGOSH! THEIR MELTING!")

(I got in soooo much trouble)

(Spoilsports)

**Rule 98: **When called to a very important meeting with Fury, do not be late

(Fury frowns upon lateness)

(Natasha tends favour sending 'Soldier and Civilians alike to the brig)

(Apparently status makes no difference to her)

(Excuses don't work either)

"I forgot to set my alarm" (Me) (They only believe it so many times…)

"My alarm clock is an Robot" (Tony) (Even 'Bruce facepalmed at that)

"There was a meeting today?" (Ally) (Ah, the joys of not paying attention) (Not that I do that too)

"I'll catch the next one" (Hawkeye) (Dude, you've missed like…twelve)

"My alarm clock attacked me!" (Bruce) (You don't have one!)

**Rule 99: **Steve does not like lies

(Don't try this often)

(He can sense lies)

(I told the Avengers school was cancelled early and just walked home)

(Got lectured when He caught me)

(Not sure if I'll ever be doing that again)

**Rule 100: **No throwing small objects at the 'Avengers while hiding

(Poor Thor)

(Didn't know what hit him)

(I didn't think I saw him sit down for a week)

**The most random of all writers I'm glad you like it, ****Raychaell Dionzeros**** Woo! Yay I'm glad somebody does. ****sweetoreo33 Great Idea I'm so putting that in the next one!**


	3. Rules 101 - 150

**Rule 101: **Hairdryers are _not _radar guns

(It's fun to do this during rush hour)

(Ally and I sat in one of Tony's vintage police cars on the side of the highway)

(We wore dark sunglasses too)

(People actually slowed down when they saw us)

**Rule 102: **Don't explain the difference between adults and kids

(With kids everything is "Up")

(Wait up, hold up, shut up…)

(Can I stay _up_?)

(With adults everything is "down")

(Calm down, slow down, come down, sit down…put that down!)

(Yeah it sucks…)

**Rule 103: **Never show the Gods stupid warning labels

"May irritate eyes" (On pepper spray)

"Not intended for highway use" (On a 13 inch wheelbarrow)

"Do not use orally" (On a toilet brush)

"Warning: knives are sharp!" (On a knife sharpener)

(They already think we're nuts)

(No need to encourage that theory)

**Rule 104: **Don't let Bruce try to create the candy from Harry Potter

(He managed to make Berite Botts Every Flavour Beans)

(One of them tasted like motor oil)

(Motor oil!)

(I've never tasted it before but that's what it was)

**Rule 105: **Never purposely cause Steve's personality to be stuck on 'angry'

(You can only push a man so far)

(He was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger for hours)

(The evil dudes were actually begging to be locked in the brig so they wouldn't have to hear him rant)

**Rule 106: **When on monitor duty don't press a random button and say "To the Cloud!" in a dramatic voice

(Natasha has no sense of humour)

(The computer sadly did not flip over)

(Wasn't even sure what button I pressed)

(Turns out it turned on a hidden camera I was not aware about)

(Two guesses where it was)

**Rule 107: **Do not type or speak in leet

(I've had to redo several reports)

(Steve Freaked after he read it)

l* I2 () vv 1 Ч o l_l 9 1 ! + ( l-l )-( 3 l ) **

**Rule 108: **Never get into a discussion on which Guy would make a better girl and paring them up

(Most threw a fit upon hearing that they are better being a female)

(Ally and I faced Thor's hammer)

(After pairing up female Thor with Loki)

(Don't get me started on what happened when Ally paired a female Steve with my brother)

(She's still recovering)

**Rule 109: **"My hand is a dolphin!"

(I think I broke a few 'Avengers again)

(Thor chased me around the base claiming I had mental problems)

**Rule 110: **Bird Feeders are banned

(I thought Loki could use some company)

(So I snuck into his quarters with various bird feeders)

(He woke up to find a bunch of ducks, hummingbirds, and robins flying around the room)

(There are still feathers all over the place)

**Rule 111: **Don't dress up like the Grim Reaper and stand outside someones quarters

(I did this to Thor as revenge)

("Your time is up")

(He can scream quite loudly)

**Rule 112:** Saying the following because you feel like it is not allowed

"Commercials? Oh boy, I can't wait. Thirty-second materialistic sound bites that insult our intelligence? Ooooooh, give me more of those!" (Bruce after five minutes of infomercials)

"You know I've always wanted to learn another language. That way you won't understand that I'm insulting you." (Me) (And I did)

"Look, just pretend you didn't hear (or see) anything and you can walk away unscathed" (Me again) (This doesn't work very often) (Well, unless it's say...Thor, or Bruce)

"I know where the bomb is!" (Tony) (Somebody hide the candy A.S.A.P.) (All the 'Avengers within hearing range panicked)

"You call me a bitch? A bitch is a dog and a dog is part of nature; nature is beautiful so thanks for the compliment." (Ally) (I think she broke Thor) (Didn't help she was giving him a creepy smile)

"Yeah, that's what you think, but clearly you're mistaken, I mean, since when should you even know that." (Hawkeye) (He was tormenting the new recruits)

"I like my insanity thank you very much."

"FISH CRACKERS!"

"Life's not fair, so what?"

"I can handle pain; it's the cause I have a problem with." (Don't say this in the Med Room)

**Rule 113: **Whenever Thor's in one of his moods, steer clear of him.

(He tends to drag 'anyone into the Med-Bay for an early check-up when he feels like a doctor.)

(I ended up walking home from school since my mode of transportation was "incapacitated")

(Didn't really have to figure out why when I got back)

(There was a huge line up from the Med Bay all the way outside)

(I snuck back to my room as fast as possible)

(A few hours later I opened the door to find the Psycho God himself standing there casually tossing his hammer in the air)

(Trying to steer clear of him?)

(Good luck)

**Rule 114: **The following movies are banned from the base:

The Ring (Thor claims that a well is haunted in front of Tower) (So that's what that creepy noise was)

The Blair witch Project (Hawkeye kept following me everywhere) (No one was allowed near the woods for a while)

Christine (Don't ask)

Maximum Overdrive (Loki protested that they'd never be that crazy)

Sleepy Hollow (Steve had nightmares after watching the headless horsemen take off his pumpkin and throw it at someone) (Mind you, this movie was animated)

Halloween (All the Avengers were pretty peeved off when I decided to watch this movie) (They said it was horrible) (Yeah, like Casper the Friendly Ghost was a better substitute!)

(Steve grounded me for two weeks.)

(I have to be supervised when renting movies now)

(Natasha threw me into the brig)

**Rule 115: **Leave the dancing to the ones who can

(This means you Thor and Loki)

(I'm not really sure what they were doing)

(That may be called 'dancing' on asgard but that's not what it's called here)

**Rule 116: **Halloween time, make sure your costume doesn't have fake guts and blood or chemicals?

(Poor Bruce became frightened and screamed "I didn't do it!" when he thought Tony was dying as the latter faked being in pain and having blood leak out of him)

(Steve was not pleased with the joke)

**Rule 117: **Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

(Besides Steve giving you a lecture (again), the other 'Vengers will freak out over your health)

('Steve tied Tony to a chair so he couldn't skip out)

**Rule 118 **No homemade ice rinks

(I'm serious they actually sell these things)

(Although I don't know why Thor bought it)

(Actually….never mind)

(Let's just say there was a lot of water)

**Rule 119: **Don't imitate scenes from 300

(Tony has taken to yelling "THIS. IS. SPARTA!" whenever he fights 'anyone)

(He kicks them too)

(It's starting to get irritating now)

(I think he broke one of my ribs…)

**Rule 120: **Please don't hide the laptops in ridiculous places for Tony to find them

(You know who you are)

(See, a few 'Vengers decided to be real 'devious' one day and managed to kidnap a bunch of them)

(I spent the whole day looking)

(And not out of the kindness of my heart!)

**Rule 121: **No shirt! No shoes! No service!

(The few avengers with licenses will not take you anywhere unless you are fully clothed)

(They don't want sweat feet in their in cars)

(Or shirtless dudes either)

(This occasionally leads to being pulled over or attracting too much attention)

(Thor put on a SHIRT!)

**Rule 122: **Do not encourage Bruce to make any sort of time travel device

(He built one to look like the Time Turner from Harry Potter)

(It worked too)

(Although we were warned not to screw up time too much)

(I use it to cut classes)

(SHHH!)

**Rule 123 **Purposely saying the follow to cause chaos is prohibited

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!" (Me)

"There are three things that are infinite: The universe, Human stupidity, and the number of zubats in a dark cave!" (Tony) (Yeah, I want my Pokémon game back)

"There is a fine line between genius and insanity ... like the two sides of the road, problem is, I swerve when I drive." (Ally) (She said this during a meeting)

**Rule 124: **Do not tried to get Steve to say "Sofa King…"

(He didn't get it for about one minute)

(When he realized what it was he froze)

(Everybody else was laughing hysterically)

**Rule 125: **Only reveal your existence in dire emergencies

(It's very difficult for some 'Vengers)

(Especially when they want to be heroes)

(I am Iron Man?)

(Really big brother?)

**Rule 126: **Falling asleep on the job is not recommended

(Depending on what you're doing, you'll either redo it or spend an extra six hours on shift)

(This will cause scheduling delays)

(Not to mention high stress levels)

(For your own sanity, always get enough sleep)

**Rule 127: **Don't say "yes" repeatedly

("Yes!")

("Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!")

(Steve has a permanent twitch)

**Rule 128: **Never tell people you can see the future

(Tony!)

(He always does this thing where he pretends to freak out and then rubs his temples, muttering under his breath)

("I sense…a disturbance in the force")

(Look, Cube Brain you may have all the 'knowledge' but you're not psychic!)

**Rule 129: **Masks are banned from the base

(Tony, Bruce… Steve?)

(Ah, Halloween thou art insane and deliciously crazy)

**Rule 130: **Using the Lazy Song to get out of chores is pointless

(If nothing, it will increase your amount of work)

('Tony somehow succeeds though)

(Which reminds me…I need to know how…)

**Rule 131:** No more head desking!

(Steve is amazed our brains haven't turned to mush)

(So am I)

**Rule 132: **Silly Songs are banned

(Tony and Bruce wouldn't stop singing 'Where is my Hairbrush?')

(I've taken a great liking to 'The Water Buffalo Song')

("Everybody's got a water buffalo, yours is fast and mine is slow!")

(Ha! Ha! Ha!)

**Rule 133: **Sedatives are not for personal use

(They are for medical usage only)

(There's also a limited supply)

**Rule 134: **Leave the bookshelf alone and no one gets hurt

(It's my bookshelf!)

(I spend hours rearranging the books out of sheer boredom)

(Do not mess it up!)

(The culprit's still at large)

**Rule 135: **If someone talks too fast don't say "Slow down it's like you're speaking some other language!"

(You all know who you are!)

**Rule 136: **Never mess around with the main breaker

(I'm surprised they don't keep this hidden better)

(Thor, Loki and I discovered it in what appeared to be a janitor's closet)

(Naturally we started flicking random switches without realizing who or what was affected)

(Turns out the lights in the Med Bay were flickering)

(The rec room TV shut off)

**Rule 137: **Don't try to sneak out after midnight

(Steve activates the alarm system at night)

(He's very paranoid)

(So, imagine how I felt when I sneak outside only to have sirens and lights flash!)

(There were also missiles and other weird traps)

**Rule 138: **No need to kidnap the people you need to talk to!

(Loki)

(It's perfectly acceptable to just talk without scaring people)

(Well, I personally think that Thor kinda deserved it)

**Rule 139: **Don't quote Dick Figures

"I'm a planet!" (Yeah...)

"Oh sick loot! Ding!" (Tony) (Not sure what was so wonderful about finding Monopoly money in the couch)

"I found a crossbow!"

"You fool! You are outnumbered! The Crimson Empire will surely fall!" (Bruce) (He and Tony were playing video games again)

"Love is the most painful thing…ever." (Ally) (Don't ask)

*Gasp* "You slut!" (It's just something random to say)

"Activating day vision goggles." (Me) "Those are binoculars." (Steve)

"WHOO! Now that's a fiya!" (Me) (This is after a huge explosion)

"Tonight you become a man" (Hawkeye) (To the new soldiers who are complaining)

"You know I love pissing you off." (Thor) (He and I: A crazy pair)

"BOOM! HEADSHOT! KILLING SPREE! RUNNING RIOT! KILLTACULAR! I'M BATMAN!" (Yet another video game marathon)

**Rule 140: **Go easy on the motivational speeches

(Sometimes they do more damage than help)

(Take a certain paranoid 'Venger for example)

(He was acting all crazy for a few days so a couple of us decided to ease his troubles)

(That did not go well at all)

**Rule 141: **No more soda chugging contests

(Or any sort of liquid either)

(Bruce and Tony ended up puking after they drank two bottles of Coke each)

(Steve said he wasn't gonna help them)

**Rule 142: **Never install the 'Clapper' in any of the rooms

(It was cool the first time)

(Not a thousand times afterwards!)

(I think I have a headache now)

**Rule 143: **Prank calls are prohibited

(Especially the preprogramed ones that use celebrities' voices)

(Poor Steve thought Angelina Jolie was actually calling him)

(I felt a little sorry for him)

(Emphasis on the _little_)

**Rule 144: **Never under any circumstances tip a box of marbles down the hall during an emergency

(But it was so fun!)

(Although Steve can't look at Colson properly anymore)

(Not without shuddering violently)

**Rule 145: **Do not attempt to out Badass Loki

(Odds are, you will fail)

(And you will be utterly humiliated)

**Rule 146: **Brass instruments are banned

(Yeah)

(Let's not go there)

(All I'm gonna say is that I regret it big time)

(And I really miss my trumpet."

**Rule 147: **When the floor's been waxed, don't go sliding on it

(I just had to try out my new socks!)

(So I started skating around)

(I collided with Loki who crashed into the wall)

(Thor's been mad at me for two weeks now)

**Rule 148: **Don't hack government systems just because you can

(All 'Avengers)

(Most of all me and Tony)

(One of them made a bunch of silhouettes of women pop up whenever someone logged onto the system)

(There's a list of people waiting to punish them)

(I'm second)

(Drat)

**Rule 149: **No random dancing

(Steve thought I was spasming)

(So he tried to take me to see the doctor)

(He almost ended up there instead of me)

(Tony laughed)

**Rule 150: **Please never say the following around the Gods or Steve

"I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!" (Thor took that literally the last time someone said that)

"Headaches are like excuses. Everyone has them" (Sadly, Steve agrees that that's true)

"Di-Hydrogen Monoxide, one of the world's most dangerous substances." (nuff said)

"It's a trap!" (You get the picture)

"Instability is a way of life, without it, we are merely psychotic chickens." (This has become the secondary Avenger Slogan)

**Raychaell I will so add these to the next list, great job! PopTart! I know. I do update, andd I like poptarts, and a gueat. Mwhahah I am, I've just been really lazy and I've had exams! **


	4. Rules 151 - 200

**Merry Christmas and all that Jazz ummmmm sorry I'm so sleep deprived however. This is my last chapter! WQE MADE 200 I'm so proud. I almost died but! We made it and thankyou all for your contributions! **

**Rule 151: **No skateboarding around the base

(Well, this is mostly for those who can't and shouldn't)

(I swear I didn't see the wall in front of me!)

(Who puts a wall in the middle of a room anyway?)

**Rule 152: **When you come home from school always complete homework first

(I came home with a boatload of homework to do)

(Every Avenger kept reminding me every time I put it off)

(I dismissed it by saying, "Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever" and watched TV instead)

(Steve walked into the Rec Room and saw my stuff lying on the floor)

(He already knew what my answer was)

(I'm now supervised whenever I do homework now)

(The giant super soldier is really distracting!)

**Rule 153: **Hockey sticks are not guns

(Blame this on all the guys)

(They were staging a zombie war in the rec room)

(None of the 'Gods saw the logic in this)

(Neither do I)

**Rule 154: **During sporting events the following are not allowed

Debates (This leads to huge arguments over whose team is better) (And a possible food fight)

Talking too much (I got shushed about twenty times)

Making the unhealthiest dish imaginable (Steve went on a rampage when he found out what we were eating)

**Rule 155: **SHIELD does not stand for any of the following

Super Hot Intelligent Darlings (No Ally)

Stupid Horrible Idiotic Dickheads (Tony after he first met Fury)

Savvy Heroic Important Divinities (Thor)

Sexy Hilarious Ironic Delights (My contribution)

Seriously Heinous Idiotic Devils (Loki)

**Rule 156: **There is NO background music in reality.

(C'mon you have to admit having we will rock you play when I stepped into my exams was awesome)

(Then there was the We are the champions when I finished.)

(And then I will survive was played when I actually got my results.)

(Steve was not amused)

**Rule 157: **Just because you _can _doesn't mean you _should._

(General rule of thumb.)

(For example. Just because you can replace all the contacts in Natasha's phone with Fury doesn't mean you should.)

(Even though Fury was exactly what Natasha was demonstrating.)

**Rule 158: **Pirate jokes around Fury are banned.

(See rule 157. Just because you _can _doesn't mean you _should_).

**Rule 159: **The following Avengers are banned from school property.

(Tony, Thor, Loki and surprisingly Natasha?)

(You all know why. Either put on some normal clothes or STAY home.)

**Rule 160: **Don't randomly start talking to yourself

(Did that often...)

(Had to take a mental health test...)

(I passed...)

(I've got those things memorised now!)

**Rule 170:** Do not go up behind a group of soldiers with firecrackers and set them off

(Steve thought that we were under attack)

(Got yelled at by Fury and Steve...)

(No one lets me get behind them anymore...)

(Or get fireworks...)

(Yes it was my idea that time...)

**Rule 171: **avoid the shooting range when Natasha is there.

(Pretty much self-explanatory)

**Rule 172: **Don't go shopping with Tony

(You are most likely to end up on another continent)

(With the deed to that entire store in your name)

(If he's having a good day he'll buy you the city)

(If he's in a really good mood. He'll buy you the country.)

(If you piss him off...)

(He'll leave you there)

**Rule 173: **No hacking my laptop!

(Tony!)

(And stop teaching everybody else how too as well)

**Rule 174: **Don't complain about your punishments

(Believe me)

(Fury can make you do something so much more worse)

**Rule 175: **For the last time. Nobody in SHIELD has the first name agent TONY!

(No not Coulson,)

(Or Agent Hill.)

(Or Fury... Actually... Maybe...)

(No)

**Rule 176: **No calling Loki a giant Reindeer, or Rudolf, or Santa's little helper, Or a Giant Cockroach,

(I was having a bad day)

(And Ally told me to let it out)

(So I did. But within Loki's ear shot)

(And we ended up running for our lives again)

**Rule 177: **No singing random depressive songs

(Like Evanescence, Within Temptation, Linkin Park etc.)

(Cause all avengers (coughcoughSTEVEcoughcough) will think you're depressed)

(Then Steve will make you go to a Shrink)

(I hate Shrinks)

(So does Tony..)

(He has to pay...)

**Rule 178: **Don't touch Tony's sound system

(Yeah well they have alot of buttons)

(With no labels)

(You could accidentally break it)

(Opps)

**Rule 179: **TONY FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME STOP TEACHING EVERYONE TO HACK MY LAPTOP!

(Do you know of how many Viruses I have on this thing?)

(Too many to count!)

**Rule 180: **128. Don't bug me when I'm reading or writing (typing)

(Clint says I hiss like a cat...)

(Loki ended up with a death glare...)

(What? I don't like being interrupted)

**Rule 181: **Okay I know I wrote this several times before but will everyone stop hacking my laptop

(Or else you'll end up like Tony's computers)

(Sparking and completely destroyed)

(Thank you Ally for your help!)

(*Ally* (Holds a large sledge hammer with a smirk) Anytime Jex)

**Rule 182: **Don't try to wake up Thor

(Two things could happen)

(First you'll never be able to wake him up)

(He's a deep sleeper)

(Or You'll ended up on the wrong end of his molinjor-)

(That's bad **really** bad)

**Rule 183: **Avengers out of time and worlds, you are not aloud to use Twitter, Facebook, MySpaceand other similiar networks

(Tony decided to make a facebook account for Steve...)

(Let's just say a LOT of girls thought that Steve in normal clothes was Hot)

(I think that he even had a few "Will you marry me?" comments)

(And a few "Will you be the Father of my children?" too)

**Rule 184: **No snowball fights

(Loki cheats!)

(Okay EVERYONE cheats!)

(Loki uses Magic, Natasha uses weapons, Tony uses an ironman suit, Bruce made some formula to make his snowballs better, Thor uses molinjir, Clint fires snowball arrows – you don't even wanna know how he makes them. Steve uses his shield as a deflection, Ally uses snow bombs.)

(You know it's wrong when I'm the only person who plays fair!)

(And No It's not being resourceful, It's CHEATING!)

**Rule 185: **Don't use Jarvis's Security Cameras to look for blackmail

(Ally and I did that)

(You won't believe the stuff that some people do in private)

**Rule 186: **Don't scream randomly

(I was very angry at Loki)

(I screamed to vent)

(Steve. Busted down my door. Clint Busted through my window. Tony and Thor, Blasted through my WALLS. Ally the Air Vent? Bruce Hulked out through my celling. Natasha just casually walks in behind Steve and puts a couple of bullet holes in what was left of my walls,)

(And to top it off. I ended up staying in the Medbay for hours)

(Not only for a physical check up but a mental one too)

(Still passed)

**Rule 187 **When Steve bans a food...*sighs* saying "But it tastes good" won't work

(He banned my Pixie Sticks!)

(And he almost banned Coffee)

(Let's just say that there was almost a riot)

(Never get in between a Teenager and their coffee)

**Rule 188:** Camera's are forbidden.

(Tony took pictures of Me cuddling with Loki)

(We were watching The Exorcist.)

(He wanted to use it for blackmail)

(Well...Loki didn't appreciate that too much)

**Rule 189: **I am no longer allowed to 'borrow' anyone's credit card.

(I snatched Tony's card when he wasn't looking.)

(I then went to the mall with Ally.)

(You don't wanna know how much I spent.)

(I had no idea he would freak out so much.)

( He as like a billion cards. Who knew that he would notice 1 missing.)

**Rule 190 (**Raychaell Dionzeros**):** No teaching Thor to sing Friday By Rebecca Black.

(For starters The man couldn't sing on Key if you used autotune.)

(Secondly IT IS ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYING SONGS IN THE WORLD)

(And He doesn't even wait to Friday to sing it.)

(THOR. It doesn't make sense if your singing it's Friday on **MONDAY**)

**Rule 191: (**Raychaell Dionzeros**)** Planking competitions are banned.

(Me Vs Thor, Vs Loki, Vs Tony, VS Clint.)

(We were there for _hours_)

(I got so Sunburned)

(And Thor won)

**Rule 192: (**Raychaell Dionzeros**)** Don't randomly drop to the ground and shout 'I hear voices!'

(Two Words)

(Mentality Test)

**Rule 193: (**Raychaell Dionzeros**)**Bareny is banned from the tower.

(Tony caught Loki and Thor watching it.)

(I was napping in between them)

(With my thumb _BESIDE_ my mouth)

(I don't think I'm ever going to live this down)

**Rule 194: (**sweetoreo33 **) **No using the ironman suit to visit other countries because your bored.

(Tony)

(I thought you learnt your lessons after you were banned from Singapore.)

**Rule 195: (**converselover20204**) **Tony is banned from Disney Land.

(And no Tony, Just because you bought the place doesn't mean you can go back)

(You rented out the whole place for your birthday.)

(There's no drinking on the Pirates of The Caribbean ride for a reason)

(You used the ironman suit to blow up Jack sparrow and your still wondering why your banned)

**Rule 196: (**A personal friend of mine, CCGG) No flash mobs during meetings.

(Cap's forcing me to put this one.)

(But it was so cool!)

(The look on Fury's face when I got up and started randomly dancing to Back in Black)

(And then the rest of the ship joined in)

(Punishment hours for like a month)

(SO worth it)

**Rule 197: **The words, 'This isn't a report you can write the night before' do not translate into the answer challenge accepted.

(Fury told me.)

(On the last day before the report was due I got really sick)

(So I was in bed with a fever scrawling out a report.)

(It mostly consisted of Loki did it)

(He made me do it again)

(That might have had something to do with the fact that my writing looked like this)

Loki Did This

**Rule 198: **No yelling out random things when in a meeting.

( We were in a meeting I yelled...)

(OH MY GOD! THERE IS A COOKIE IN TONY I FORGOT TO GET IT!)

(Lots of odd stairs.)

**Rule 199: **No showing Loki the Evil Overloard List.

(Seriously, wanna be overloard + evil overloard list = Bad things)

(Idiots.)

**Rule 200: **All Shield guidelines are to be followed to the letter,

(Seriously, you think this will work Cap?)

(Just because I wrote it, doesn't mean I'll do it.)

**SweetOreo If you put sofa king together it sounds like So-Fucking, and lol! Me too! Pyra and Lol your review made my day and ccgg HA I finished mine ages ago! But good luck and all hail the pop tarts and a very merry Christmas to you my friend. **


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